Now, this blog is written in a spirit of fun so just relax and try not to get offended when you read it, Ladies! We’ll pick on the Gentlemen next!
Having counseled for thousands of years now (ok, not that long but it sometimes seems like it), I find it interesting when a woman says “I want to have a man in my life.”
Sometimes that desire is genuine and righteous.
Other times that desire might just be unrighteous. And the same could be said about men who say that they “want a woman” in their lives.
But let’s focus on women in this blog post. Women don’t seem as scared of marriage as men do and maybe that’s because of God’s design for women to be the helper suitable mentioned in Genesis 2. Women seem to embrace marriage and see it as a blessing more than the young 20 year olds I know. Some women may not desire marriage for godly reasons but many Christian ladies do.
Some young women are too focused upon the wedding ceremony, the dress, etc. and not focused enough on the marriage. Weddings last a day while marriages last a lifetime (or are supposed to). How much time do people invest in pre-marital counseling vs. how much time they invest in ordering invitations, the reception, the dress, etc.??? Just asking…
Let’s assume a young woman is focused on Christ and desiring marriage more than a wedding but still with wrong motives. Why would she want to be married? What are her motives? Not always, but sometimes, a woman “wants a man in her life” simply because she desires someone to serve her and give her attention. She wants to be served rather than to serve him. And let’s not even talk about godly submission! She wants him to follow her, not the other way around, when a young lady has that “be served” mentality. She wants a prince charming to rescue her or she wants a slave boy to serve her. Either extreme is not godly and contributes to our high rate of divorce though men are quite responsible for their part as well.
Please understand that the man must have a desire to serve his wife, too, as both of them should seek to glorify God by serving one another. Marriage is not a “get my needs met” proposition but a “let me serve you to meet your needs” proposition and that goes both ways (Ephesians 5:22-33).
So let me ask you: do you desire marriage for the godly reason of serving your future spouse or do you desire marriage because you think it will primarily serve your purposes? If you are married, are you serving your spouse or expecting your spouse to serve you? The bottom line is that marriage exists as an opportunity for you to worship and glorify Christ since it is one of the ultimate acts of sacrifice and service.
For more on this topic, read my booklet entitled: Hope and Help for Marriage which is available at www.focuspublishing.com.
Discussion: What other motives do women sometimes possess for marriage that are ungodly? How can women allow the Holy Spirit to replace those desires with godly ones?
-Mark (hoping you are not looking to get your needs met in a marriage but looking for an opportunity to serve someone else sacrificially)